february–april 2026, sheffield, uk, inst

1

a roe deer walked on its hind legs

came up behind me and took my arm

we spoke almost in sync and without discussing it

- i could have let that day pass

the way a car driver lets pedestrians pass

what happened does not define me

nothing of what happened says anything about me

but i cannot accept it on faith

i would like to let that day pass

the roe deer got down on all fours

and forgot me forever

i saw her once somehow

but then i forgot her forever too

but we still spoke one day anyway

- months of not knowing

- the composition of the entire visible and invisible timeline is not knowing

- how do you cope with all this?

- the same way you do

- sadly and routinely realizing that it is too late to react and do anything?

- bingo

it was february when everything became clear

the antlers vanished from the roe deer’s head and began to grow from mine

2

i walked along a crooked garden path

and met some strange giraffes

a giraffe with octopus tentacles said

i know everything

a giraffe with angel wings said

and i know everything too

a giraffe with an elephant’s trunk said

i know everything as well

i replied

yeah i know everything too

but what the fuck is the point?

what does it change?

3

someone woke up in the night with a sore throat

someone made themself some tea

someone is looking out the window

outside the squirrels are running around

outside the pigeons are having sex

outside a cat is shitting on the ground and burying it afterward

i am holding my own hand

between me and me there is an abyss

between me and people there is an abyss

between me and things there is an abyss

between anything and anything there is an abyss

the clouds are motionless

the future is inevitable

irreversible

4

in my chest something burned

my head was humming

i carried my head like a balloon on a string

there was a little hole in my forehead

air was coming out of it

the air came out with this sound

wherever i was before

i would always endlessly map out in my head

the route back home from that point

homes kept changing changing

and that mental urge finally evaporated

and yet i keep turning something over in my head endlessly

but i do not understand what it is

i plugged the air with my finger

the air stopped coming out

but not completely

a tiny stream whispered

you are your own home

why is there no place for you in it?

5

a bird flaps its wings behind my back and says

in this life evil is paid back only to those who are capable of learning something from it

6

the putty knife talks to a piece of peeling wallpaper

putty knife: what if you find out something about your life that turns everything upside down and you won’t be able to recover

piece of peeling wallpaper: i’ll try to recover but if it doesn’t work out then so be it

wet rag: watch out

7

i went out of the house and saw a pigeon sitting on a thyme bush

pigeon: how are your stones?

me: what stones?

pigeon: every living being has special stones inside or does not have some special stones

the presence or absence of a special stones affects your whole life

there is a stone that means you will never disappoint anyone

there is a stone that means no one will ever reject you

there is a stone that means you will always match other peoples ideals and interests without much effort

me: wow

pigeon: these stones were formed before the universe appeared

so you will not be able to do anything about them

me: holy fuck

pigeon: that will be 20 pounds

8

someone dropped someone

the fallen someone lies and looks at the someone who dropped and walks away

lies looks and think:

it astonishes me how wrong my perception of myself is